I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're like the curious george of whores
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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