you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
