I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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