it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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