Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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