i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
