It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
