he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
