ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
