I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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