Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
