Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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