I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
