I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
FUCK WHALES
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
