Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
