I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
