the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
