There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
