She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my liver is dry heaving
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
