im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have aggressive nipples.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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