i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
