Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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