im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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