just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish they made helmets for livers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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