She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
