And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
