don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
