Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
