The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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