what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In other news, I just burned my penis
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
