You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
