I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
