i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
