No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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