Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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