Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
