The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
