Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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