i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
