Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to have your abortion
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
