That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
