good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
