Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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