About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
