who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
