It's Friday. Sex?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
