The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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