We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
