Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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