I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
